Jake

Jake is the Manager and also the head director of Phoenix Films. He also is known as Jake from State Farm, Jake the snake, Jabe, and Broadsword.

The legend
On day, Jake was watching all eight Star Wars movies with Stephen Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Clint Eastwood and John Wayne.

Jake: "Hey I am going to put some popcorn in the microwave!" (He put it in for three minutes.)

Arnold Schwarzenegger: "COME ON CHOIR BOY, THE SECOND MOVIE IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!!!"

Stephen Spielberg: "Yeah, i'm interested to see if J.J did any good on Star Wars 7!"

John Wayne: "What's Star Wars?"

At that very moment in a spaceship directly above, a rogue scientist doing tests on radioactive ants knocks over a jar of his infected specimens, one of which, without any hesitation, flies down and miraculously lands undetected on Jake's head. It viciously bites our soon-to-be hero. He screams in pain, stumbling backwards and through a window. In a split-second, he finds himself in a free fall that sends him squarely through the roof of an acid factory, and into a vat of acid that is tipped over by an errant alien spaceship, carrying him blindly on a wave of acid during a solar eclipse on a leap year while the planets aligned in twelve galaxies. This precariously careened him onto a bomb-testing site, where a cataclysmic explosion exposes our hero to highly toxic radium gases. Then, as fate would have it, magical storm clouds move in, zapping Jake with a neon-plaid lightning bolt and raining radioactive ooze, which, through centrifugal and electromagnetic turbulence, causes a powerful earthquake deep in the jungle four-thousand miles away, consequently unearthing a robotic fire-breathing unicorn with wings that flies to Jake's exact location, and, powered by super gamma energy currents, it pilots Jake to open skies until, not paying attention, the unicorn clips the top of an Admiral Ackbar Cereal billboard, in which, our hero lands in a golden tar pit crawling with mutated ducks, in turn Godzilla drinks our marvelous hero, shooting him out of his mouth with his radioactive fire breath, flinging Jake back to his house miraculously unharmed.

Jake: "Hey the popcorns ready!"

And they proceed with movie night eating slightly over-cooked popcorn.

Clint Eastwood: "I think you over-cooked this a little."

Suddenly, an amazing reaction to the overcooked popcorn hits Jake with a jolt of cosmic super energy, this energy ricochets around the room, hitting the other people, but this fantastic display deforms Jake, metamorphosing him into the incredibly strong, handsome, epic person we know today. All of the other people in the room were unaffected though, because they were already awesome.

Username
His username is Broadsword_shanna because...
 * 1) Broadsword is his code name for a variety of things.
 * 2) Shanna is a character Jake created for [classified]